June 24, 2008, 5:41 PM

(1) List 5 things that you want to do in your life time:

I want to easily complete the Austin 10K, August, 17, 2008. Did It!!!! Yeah!!

I want to paraglide off Baba Dag, a 6,000-foot-high peak rising straight above the coast of southern Turkey and visit their cool pools.

I want to explore Canyon Lake Gorge (TX), California, Oregon, Colorado, Florida, Montana, Utah, Washington, Mexico, Turkey, Angel Falls, and Greece.

I want to research/help develop an objective, enlightened form of government that improves upon the current systems.

I want to research/help develop a public education system that is experiential and objective, like Avatar, by being involved now.

(2) List 4 things that you want to have in your life time:

Have a profitable business doing Avatar.

Have a passive, monthly income from my investing and my nutritional knowledge.

Have a profitable "farm"-restaurant: three-acre tract, organic garden, open building, healthy, in-town, or something better. Food like http://www.daidueaustin.com/, but for everyone.

I have a profitable business refurbishing old houses and buildings to efficient, green structures.

(3) List 4 things that you want to be in your life time:

I want to be a great mother (first child born after June, 2010) that raises intelligent, compassionate children.

I want to be a Revolutionary - I find/use new, profitable solutions to old problems.

I want to be a Diplomat - I connect the right institutions in order to accomplish great things.

I want to be an enlightened Communicator - I empower others.

(4) List 4 things that you are really good at:

I am good at "Connecting the dots," "putting two and two together," seeing things as they are.

I am good at creating each moment deliberately.

I am good at communicating.

I am good at "Imagineering:" coming up with totally new, innovative, original ideas.

Last Revised: June 25, 2008, 10:31 AM

Bite-Size, Revised Version:

List 4 Things You Want to Do in Your Lifetime:

Pay $50 registration by July 20th, and Complete the Austin 10K on August 17, ‘08. Did it!!!

Set up a membership website.

Recruit and hire great people for JPS. Did it!

List 3 Things You Want To Have in your Lifetime:

My car in perfect condition. Got it!!!!!

Passive and earned monthly income.

My credit cards, [car (repairs & insurance) Got it!!], cell phone, furniture, house, roof, softener, and all loans paid off.

List 3 Things you want To Be in your lifetime:

Prosperous.

Responsible.

At peace.

List 3 Things you are really Good at:

Deliberately Creating.

Appreciating my creations.

Seeing things from all angles.

Let me just say, first, that I read some quotes yesterday (all Abraham-Hicks) and attended a teleseminar through visionforce.com the day before, and I have really grasped what it means to be be vulnerable or humble, and yet not be a victim, but, in fact, be empowered by it, instead.
One of the quotes said that dreams are an extension of how we're feeling and vibrating, so they give us great insight into how aligned we are with our highest selves. The night of the teleconference, I harshly criticized my boyfriend for things I know he's already hard on himself about, and then, I dreamt an awful dream about my boyfriend of eight years being very selfish and competitive, and not very aware of anyone's feelings, including his own. I don't think I see him like that, but it definitely showed me where my energy was being focused: to not-so-positive thoughts. Well, the mroning after the dream, I decided to get more in tune with my higher self, so I began absorbing the quotes, and epiphany after epiphany just kept rolling in.  I was in the process of allowing change and growth.
So this morning, I woke up at 7:30, and realized that I had dreamt about teaching truth and wisdom, self-respect and self-love, to a self-proclaimed "unhappy" naysayer, skeptical young woman. I told her, at one point in the grocery store we were walking around in, that "respect, and especially self-respect, is the core of every other good feeling, state of mind, and good creation or allowance." I dreamt this, I believe, because of what I chose to do last night before falling asleep...
Though I had already apologized twice to my boyfriend, I still felt I needed to say more, to open up and let him see the more humiliated side of me, because I knew that the things I had said had hurt him. So I told him I realized that it is not my place to criticize him for things I know he criticizes himself over, and that I understand now that it is his responsibility, not mine, to allow himself to grow, and my responsibility is to appreciate myself and him. I explained that I no longer want to rob anyone of their experience with their self-growth! So I sincerely said to him, "I love you very very much...but I realize now that respect is more important than love," and at my finest, most humble and vulnerable hour, I mustered up the courage to say, "I respect you."
Whew! Who would have thought it'd be so hard to say those words, after I've been implying them for eight years?! It was hard, not because I've been disrespectful to him all these years, but because I gave up a huge piece of our relationship, the codependent, we-grow-together-and-help-each-other-through-this, part of our relationship, and by saying that, I decided to honor his highest self's navigation, to trust fully in every aspect of life and human kind. I changed...
It felt like I had walked gently, after a long, dark walk in a forest, into a misty, light clearing, like a meadow at dawn. I remembered, as I lay there in bed, that during the teleconference, they had said how powerful emotions and vulnerability can be, so I decided to extend the lesson. While I fell asleep, instead of "saying my prayers," for everyone, I said "my respects" to everyone! I respect Jesse, I respect Leslie, I respect my mom, I respect my dad, I respect Lance, I respect Caleb, I respect Emily, I respect myself; I respect everyone, because I fully recognize their highest selves; I respect and honor others' right to experience and grow and live and create exactly how they want to create. I mind my own business, and trust life even more than before. Everything is ultimately going to be alright and taken care of eventually (after all, what is time? It doesn't exist...). These beautiful realizations and feelings before, and as I fell asleep, put me in more perfect alignment with my self than ever before! I feel a sense of peace, now, like I know I can never be any less than what I am right now - only more. I am really, calmly, definitely happy, and my gorgeous dream was a awe-some way to start out the day in alignment, rather than having to write to "get into" alignment. I am I: there's no separation between me and my highest self! As many times a day, as needed, I'm going to ask myself what my mood is, so that I can appreciate my happiness or contentment, or I can look for opportunities for happiness and laughter. I'm going to be aware of when I'm feeling like I need to be "cocky" or "demand respect," and I'm going to use those moments to be truly secure and powerful by exercising vulnerability or humility appropriately.
I'm such a naturally cocky person, so I'm truly grateful that just three weeks ago, I made the decision to balance that out with lessons on humility. I feel more balanced, more in sync with others' feelings, as well as what my own feelings mean, truly. I am even more empathetic, and it feels wonderful.

November 13, 2007, my twenty-third birthday, at about 6 in the morning, out in my gorgeous back yard, which I then named "Japan," due to the tinkling, drifting, falling, beauty of autumn-colored, orange leaves falling on my green grass - which has nothing to do with Japan, except that it reminded me of the gorgeous scene from the move, "The Last Samurai," where Katsumoto says, "Perfect...They are all...perfect," speaking, while he's dying, of the cherry blossoms, which earlier in the movie, he had said, "The perfect blossom is a rare thing. You could spend your life looking for one, and it would not be a wasted life." That entire day, I understood everything lucidly, and all I have to do to get back to that place is remember: 11-13-07, and I feel wise and ready to learn.

You know, I'm really hard on the people I love. I set really high standards for them and take it personal when they don't live up to my expectations. I need to be aware that I'm not the person who needs to hold them accountable for doing and being the things they say they wish to be. Only they can do that for themselves, and it just hints that I want others to hold me accountable, which, if I correct it in myself, I won't impose upon them anymore, naturally. The biggest problem with treating them that way, being their coach, is that it gives me a very negative perspective that seriously clouds so many amazing, positive attributes about them. The person I am focusing on freeing from this cycle of mine, today, is my mom, Rhonda, and this will also free me from myself. :) 

Now, I usually give my mom a ton of advice - advice that I'd like to think should be empowering to her, even inspirational, but I never can seem to figure out why she just deems my advice "negative." Hmmmm... Well, Katie, do ya think it could be because it makes her feel like shit about herself? So, probably, reminding my mom of who she "could be" is really like telling her bluntly "who she's failing to be." That's just mean - even if I don't directly criticize her. Anyhow, I need to break this cycle that I'm in with her, so that I can start seeing all the ways in which she's already perfect (and always has been!).

For example, I was looking at my vision board, and on there is a family picture of all of us smiling, and next to that is a picture of a smiling, doll-face Rhonda looking towards Dad. Suddenly, I realized that if you drew a timeline of my mom's life, where the starting point is when she married my dad (over thirty years ago), it would look like this:
Then                                                                                       The Present
Bad                                                                                                Better

No matter what the exact, current circumstances may be, my mom keeps her life and marriage progressively getting better and better! This is huge - 'cause if she would have thrown in the towel at some point along that line by getting a divorce, the timeline would have had a "Worse" right in the middle of it. And worst of all, had she not had the strength, endurance, and foresight, our family picture up on my board would cease to exist... We owe it all to her putting up with my dad's shit, holding on to the tiny, miniscule, positive changes that he slowly has gone through since the beginning. She has an enormous amount of patienceand an instinctual trust that everything will work out for the better...and that is incredibly impressive.

So what if she's humble about it all and doesn't let it all be known to her self-esteem? Why's that something I should judge and afraid of? It's not contagious, if I don't want it to be. Yeah, it'd be nice to see her living with the awareness of how much she should respect herself, but it should be enough for me that I get to see it and love and respect her for it. I see how hard she tries in life: I started crying while I was home visiting, and I was loading her new bookcase with her scattered books in her "office." You know what I saw? I saw one of those "basic computing skills" books, made for an older generation that has a hard time using computers and gets yelled and cussed at by their impatient kids (us) for it. I saw A Course in Miracles, which is all about leading a life of compassion and ultimate forgiveness. I saw a book, I believe by Deepak Chopra, about loving and relating to your grown children. Everywhere I turned in her office-room, I saw the paraphenalia of someone who is extremely open to working on herself for the benefit of herself and others. There were hand-written notes with quotes sprawledall over her desk, surrounding her computer, which she uses as a vehicle to learn and be social with friends who love her wisdom. She has all this love and sentimentality to give...and no one in her immediate family to give it to...It was, and is, heartbreaking. Dammit, I'm crying again.

I owe it to myself to understand that if I had seen all this so clearly my whole life, there's a chance I may not have ended up as resilient as I am. I owe everything else to my mom. My god has she put up with so much. I should be damned for saying some of the things I've said to her over the years...but I know she wouldn't want that in the least, so I forgive myself, but I do it in her honor. I forgive myself for being naive by resenting her and not seeing through to her soul, blindly only seeing a limited human. How wrong I was. I stand corrected.

I read The Alchemist on Saturday, and it's all about following through, no matter the cost and the challenges, with your "personal legend," the thing you were destined to accomplish, whatever you feel strongly that that may be, but it's something great always. So I began to wonder what exactly is mine? So I e-mailed my fourth grade teacher, asking her what I wanted to be when I was 10  (I knew the answer, but I wanted to double-check to make sure I wasn't imagining my little kid self being more passionate about it than what I remember). She reassured my fear - she told me exactly what I knew to be true. All my childhood, I had wanted to be the President of the U.S. So much so that my second grade teacher would let me stay in from recess to drill him on politics (2nd grade!). I didn't give up that dream until after I was president of my sixth grade class. By seventh grade, I was more into working on my own problems, rather than addressing the country's problems. Aww, puberty.
High school, all I cared about was skipping school. They were tumoltuous years, but, damn were they fun. Exactly like a roller coaster ride. Besides, even when I wasn't at school, I still fed my hunger to learn and keep improving myself. There's that justification thing I'm so good at... :) I've gotta be smart enough to be 100% wrong.
By the time I was 18, I had already lived on my own in a strange town, far away from my family and friends, done quite a few drugs, among other stupid things, and moved back to my family and friends to do a few more stupid things before realizing that it was time to grow up (the first time). So I moved to Austin (with the same boyfriend I've had since I was 15). And we did well. We worked our asses off, because we were so scared of being on our own. We scrimped and saved. And by the time we were 21, we had bought our first house, a cute little fixer-upper. And the whole time, I worked and attended school, and racked up $11,000 in student loans, $6,000 in credit card debt. Period. That's the harsh truth that I don't like to hear, but there it is. I've began dealing with it. :)

So what am I passionate about?
This is where everything gets much more clear. I could talk about issues and things that I'm passionate about 'til the moon falls from the sky. I'll sum it up, though:
0. Self-Improvement. I spend most of my time on this, because I'm constantly learning, and self-improvement is the result I get. So I should have stated it the other way around, but I'm not re-typing all that, so take that. This definitely includes health, wellness, spirituality. I'm working on my Holistic Nutritional Consultant license through the Global College of Natural Medicine in conjunction with Dr. Andrew Weil. I just ran my first 10K on Sunday, August 17, 2008 with my cousin, Martha! I'm registering for women's soccer (finally!!). I received a free, 3-month, VIP membership to a really nice gym from an older lady who won her division in the 10K and couldn't use it, so I'll be doing pilates 3x a week on equipment, not mat! I'm now a licensed Avatar Master, so I can guide other's along their own, personal, life path, and feel great about my place in the world. I'm four short classes away from my Associate's Degree, and I'm taking two of the classes this semester, one being my second Honor's class. And I'm happy, even when I'm sad, which is my favorite accomplishment yet.
1. Being wealthy - and I'm not a materialistic person, by any means. I've always had a strange outlook on money, my whole life. I've always just seen it as a means to do good things and/or great things. Plus, I love learning about the complex economic systems in place in the world - it's fascinating! Business finance, investing, spending, interest, public shares...it's all so interesting to me, and it's what rules the world, in one way or another. Money is my tool of choice to get the other things I'm passionate about done. Of course, I'm not going to limit myself with that statement! If there are other creative ways to accomplish something, I'll utilize it. After all, it's just energy exchange.
2. Real Estate. Not because it's a get-rich-quick dream, but because it's so interesting to me, always has been. My parents were entreprenuers, and I admired that. Then they invested in real estate, sectioning off pieces of land, commercializing them, leasing or selling - every part of the process interests me, but especially the implications. What I choose to do with a piece of land affects the economy of the area it's in, not to mention the environment/ecosystem of the land. What I choose to do with the rehabilitation of a house or building can affect the health of wealthof the people who are going to live and work in it (I'm thinking of how I want to rehab to more energy-efficiency, with little use of chemicals and use easily renewable/recycleable sources). It's a great responsibility.
3. Education. Learning. Reading. This one's personal, for me. Elementary was spent in "Gifted and Talented" programs, and my parents were asked twice if they wanted to skip me a grade. Middle school, I was in advance classes and Destination Imagination, plus basketball, soccer, and volleyball, so I was thoroughly challenged and stimulated. High school, they put me in advance classes that I knew I could test out of, but wasn't allowed to. They held me back, citing arbitrary rules such as "a freshman can't take a sophomore or junior class," so they wouldn't even try testing me. I got treated like a "bad" kid for the first time in my life, because these teachers had no way of knowing each individual's past history, that's too many students to know. So when I was bored in a class, the teacher assumed I was a rebellious problem-child, and I didn't understand how I could be being treated that way, so I rebelled. I didn't mind after awhile, because it liberated me from a "preppy kid" image that I never would have defined myself as (I had always had a rebellious streak - but before, I had exercised it more intelligently in class discussions or similar outlets). My point is: Education in this country is ran like a factory to produce consumers (literally- that's what the WASPS of the Gilded Age intended), and No Child Left Behind is a joke - it only focuses on slower kids that get left behind - nobody's paying attention to all the fast kids that slip through the cracks, and not near as much money is spent on them as the average child. The whole system needs revampped, from the roots up.
4. Politics. I don't watch the news - way too much negative energy that I don't want to contribute to. However, I read articles that have to do with the world, with initiatives that are to be voted on, with people who are trying to change the world, all sorts of stuff. I'd rather read, though, because I'm shocked daily by how incredibly black-and-white, I'm-biased-and-don't-care, so many people seem to be. If I read, then I can research the other side of an issue, instead of just hearing it from one person's slant. I'm so jaded by that already, and I'm 23. I just wish people were more objective, especially in politics! They're the worst! So I try to support candidates that are as close to objective and rational as they're going to get, and dream that, maybe, someday, I'll get up the gall to be a candidate that demonstrates great rationality and objectivism.
5. My boyfriend, family, and close friends. I just want them all to be happy, and I'll support that anyway I responsibly can.
6. Cooking, eating, and doing anything physical. I love and am good at them, and life is wonderful with them. I like to try new things, and I like to be as creative as possible, so I try to make things original, instead of typical. And I love pairing food with the perfect drink - alcoholic or not. I don't drink much while I'm eating (it's bad for digestion), so the drink I imbibe should be perfect to savor sips of, complementing the food ecstatically.
7. Writing. Obviously.
8. Traveling and Music and Movies. I have a good mind to travel as much as possible. And I'm always listening to music, all kinds, would like to take piano lessons, and living in Austin is purely wonderful for great music (just check out Austin City Limits Festival and you'll know what I mean). I get to hear and meet amazing bands and musicians here. And all I have to say for movies is: Alamo Drafthouse. It is the coolest movie theater in the country, I think. Food, drinks, movies, themes, parks, they take watching movies to a whole new level.
9. Decorating - because I love quality products and supporting them. Plus, it's so much fun to put my artistic stamp on something, especially the vibe of an entire room. I also like dreaming up works of art that I want to commission my little sister or older brother to do for me some day when I have the money to pay them well (because I know they'll do beautifully).

See? I told you I am very passionate about some things, mostly life, really.  I wish I had the means to be a capital venturist or something. I also want to travel around the country compiling answers to my "root issue" questions, maybe even the world.

I'm going to end this with a quote from The Power of Now.
"Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life."
~Eckhart Tolle

That is the true nature of this blog, though: To make this moment my ally, and I had fun writing it, so it worked, I'm sure. I don't know how, since I've come to no apparent, cohesive solution, but I feel better, so it must have helped in some magical, ask-and-ye-shall-receive kind of way, maybe. ;)

Love,
Katrina Mae Naugle
P.S. The picture is my "vision board" that I enjoy looking at every day. That's my 3-year old self, in the lower right-hand corner (not the little boy pictures!).

Questions:

What makes a leader?

What's the difference between a leader and someone who craves leadership?

How do the needs and wants of a "know-it-all" obstruct progress?

It seems to me that a true leader does not seek anyone's approval accept their own. More importantly, a true leader learns from some sort of mentor first, learns and absorbs. All the while, they observe their mentor's short-comings - never losing respect for that person because of these minor flaws - only looking for opportunities to overcome the mentor's flaws once they become an independent leader. So it starts with learning from those you respect, and really learning, which takes much time. The true leader learns, and only teaches when he is through learning everything, completely. A true leader is someone who doesn't demand respect; they are respectful, so they get respected in return. And if they are respectful to someone, and that someone is disrespectful in return, then they punish that person, through disappointment...or whatever other means they deem necessary - they never second-guess themselves, and they never have to ask for anyone's advice on what to do. And if anyone is bold enough to give them advice when they are about to do something beneath their true character, the true leader shuts up and listens, putting ego and pride aside. As Ayn Rand has said in all of her writings, a truly great person sets their own standards, therefore not caring about others' perceptions and judgments, not caring about their image.

The difference between a leader and someone who is just craving leadership is visible in their actions and their words. Someone who craves autonomy is needing to be revered, looked upon in awe by others, respected by others. This is a person who desperately seeks approval, and not just typical approval, but validation of their knowledge and experience, and how what they seem to know is worthy of being listened to and taught to others. In terms of The Tao of Pooh, this person is an Owl or a Rabbit, possibly even a Tigger. Seemingly knowledgeable, but so cocky that everyone pities them because their insecurity is so visible to everyone but them. Deep down, they know they are not as smart as everyone says they are, and they overcompensate by never listening to anyone around them, thinking others are too typical, too boring, too predictable, and too unworthy. Their essence is apathy, which is

1.	absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement.

2.	lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.

They believe that they are truly smarter than someone, so they are a judgmental lot that are unable to learn from those they look down upon. They need to believe they are smarter than someone else, in order to have their own self-worth. They do not set their own standards - they gauge their success in life by how much better they're doing than others. They get cocky so fast that they easily forget that they were once in the place of those they now judge. A true leader never judges others, only learns from their mistakes, and they never are cocky because it is useless, frivolous, and empty. They do not need cockiness when they have sincere confidence. One who craves leadership is one who makes others listen to them, and unknowingly finds people who are truly wiser than them to be complete assholes, since the wise do not seek their approval. The needs and wants of this "know-it-all" halt progression, it becomes an addiction of sorts in that they deal with each and every situation like a hamster caught in a wheel, handling everything the same, over and over again, getting more and more pissed at the ignorance or unjustness of those around them, but never once taking responsibility for the events of their daily lives, always blaming, always feeling the need to get angry. They are not creators. True leaders create their life on a moment-by-moment basis. They are always in control of themselves, always take full responsibility for something that happens to them, and always know that they can begin to create something new, right now, if they find themselves not liking their current position, feeling, or event. Pseudo-leaders victimize themselves, unknowingly, and make up for their victim-hood by putting on an extra-tough persona, to make themselves believe that they are not being victims, but are in fact bad-asses. They care far too much about their appearance, for this very reason - they are concerned with the image they portray. True leaders are only concerned with the energy they emit at all times that derives from their highest self, their strong character, wisdom, and consciousness. A true leader knows that: character, which is who you are when no one is watching; wisdom, which is applying knowledge to your every day life; and consciousness, which is complete OBJECTIVE awareness of self and everything else in the universe, that these conquer ALL.

"If your knowledge of fire has been turned to certainty by words alone, then seek to be cooked by the fire itself. Don't abide in borrowed certainty. There is no real certainty until you burn; if you wish for this, sit down in the fire. "

Mevlana Rumi (1207 - 1273)

Source: Rumi Daylight: A Daybook of Spiritual Guidance, Page: 118

1 day later martha said  

I didn't understand your poem either, Donny. Thanks for explaining it. This is such a powerful discussion! I remember during the early '80s working as a secretary in the Computer Science Dept. at ASU. People were very aware of the possibility of receiving one of Ted's random bombs, and we were required to refrain from opening any box we received until security cleared it. I thought at the time that it was so very, very strange that a human being could think that they would stand to gain anything at all by blowing up random innocent people, just because their job had something to do with technology. But all that, of course, pales when one thinks of the horror of what is being done in Iraq today-just about any place you can name that is currently being savaged so that someone can get the upper hand for awhile.

People who create angry, violent demonstrations for peace fall into this whole abyss too, and with the best of intentions. Only loving, kindly motivated actions can bring about true change. It is as the ancient Buddhist law says: Only love can conquer hatred. Whenever a person tries to right a wrong using violence, that action is mistaken action. Further, nonviolent action doesn't result from some restrained action that I take while in my heart I'm feeling angry. This is one reason why Christ said, "Love your enemy." That's the only place from which you can take action to actually change things.

Our choice, as I'm sure we have all thought about, is to choose to see the person -about whom we feel anger- as a person, a human being, with good points and bad points just like anyone else. In this state of mind, we can find something to love about this person.

And the reason I'm writing all of this here-for surely we've all thought these thoughts before- is to link this train of thought with the problem about people who want to see the world as a basically good place-as you said above, looking at "the good of being human, the intelligence, the art, the creative use of industry for good, and you ask "Why can't life just be that way?" Well, for me it's not going to BE that way so much, as I'm looking to, through my attitude, create a space for myself to live in-that space from which I can do the work of continuing to see people as people, instead of objects, as much as possible. It's not about ignoring evil or pretending that it doesn't exist. Love is the only thing that can minimize evil. Love is the only thing that really exists, and evil is the unfortunate chaotic outlier, the devastation that results from a lack of love.

Actions motivated by desire for power, vengence, domination, without love, always need to be justified. The people who do them create a justification as they do the actions. The justification is part of the violent action. As you say, "They dehumanize their victims and tell themselves, "Those people deserve it" or "It's for a greater good." So, I want to stay in a psychological space where I'm not feeling a need to justify my actions, not needing to see others as less than human beings in the same sense that I, myself am fully human. This is what I need in order to be a citizen in the world.

Anything truly original, inspired by someone's own passion, something "outside the box."

http://www.prosper.com/join/katrina13

Just click on the above link to explore and get started.

I am currently (Aug. 9- Aug. 19, '07) in the process of getting funded through Prosper, so feel free to invest in me, if you'd like.
And, if you end up trying to get a loan through Prosper, please notify me so I may  bid on your loan, as I think it's a wonderful way to invest my money!

If you have any questions about my personal experience with Prosper.com, please feel free to contact me and ask, or let me know if it ends up helping you out, I'd love to hear your story.

Follow Your Bliss,
Katrina Naugle

I am so grateful for following my bliss.